Cocoon Marooned

Static on the television,

Wondering how things stagnated this way,

Staring up the same old patch of stunted growth on the ceiling.

Somehow the mind waivers with ideas but only to return to its limitations,

Breaking point appears to be harder to achieve with plateauing of neurodevelopment.

As the emotional meltdown threshold seems to be more vivaciously alarming,

At least it felt like that during the mere present times,

Only to envision evolution would gradually happen someday,

To be documented in some form of glorified literature,

But only for people to highlight the externalised reformation,

Apathic of the internal welter,

Predominantly postulations if ever to wander.

Big vivid dreams within encapsulated calcium plates,

Incarcerated inside on how the institutions dictates,

Locomoting to the ladder of the demanding values,

Splitting nations into extreme and or reverse expressionisms,

In effort of redefining where the new midline would endure,

Or silent would be the only answer,

Or just a metaphor of the big picture,

Contemplating on returning to the basic nature,

while tolerating the pioneering concessions.

Like a floating cocoon in the vast volume of brine,

Displaced by the waves of battened sublimity,

Nomadic explorations to find a purpose,

Avoiding or embracing the treacherous waters,

Marooned in any form of weather,

Awaiting for the cycle breaker,

Or ultimately to subconsciously surrender.

Written by Kaiwyn

24th October 2022

Monday, Citigate

Friend or fiend

Emotional Burnout

It's such a strange sensation to feel

Trapped again in this vicious cycle

As if I am twenty-one yet again

 The passion so fiery it melts so easy

Nevertheless, it was never of pain as it scorches

However, the after burn is excruciating

Along with the chaos of repercussion after that

Like how second or third-degree burns linger

Wondering when you will fully recover and stopping the cinder

As you douse yourself under cold running water of reality

Trying to estimate the damage and pre-empt the maintenance needed

You start to ponder on your pre-existing conditions

And how it would hinder your recovery, post trauma

 

And oh, what would people say

What would people think

About that evident dysregulated scar

Nakedly fresh and raw

Yet still oblivious to people who knew

Feigning it like a fictional illusion

Abandoned like a destitute being on the streetside

 

As you peer into your lifeless frame

Bargaining about how you got yourself into this flame

And that impulse of embracing the warmth of that initial spark

Blinded by its potential to leave a daunting mark

As misty eyes led to a shower of sorrow

The saltiness made the wound so hollow

Bellowing all the remaining reservoir, already so shallow

They stayed still and watched like a sparrow

Drifting to a different space and shadow

Along with unresolved rancour harboured in their marrow

For you, there is marginal room and space to mellow

Returning to the heart of the reality's gallows

Telling yourself to be that decent fellow

by Kaiwyn

16/11/2021

Life Matters

Coming to terms and acceptance...

It appears that it has never been an immediate occurence for me,

Not sure if I know anyone that just takes it all in upon acknowledging such information.

Things that I have chosen to let go...

Things that I have chosen to hoard...

Like an osmosis through an ever so permeable barrier.

Treasures that I perceived that you may have offered to me...

Treasures that I perceived that you may have physically looted from me...

Emotionally it kinda stays,

Either it was a fair game of give and take or not,

Sunken into a form of subconscious solvent,

Enriching the depth of my layered experiences.

I have always been trying to live in the now.

I have always been trying to envision the future.

I have always found myself in the strip of old memory lane,

Asking for a reason and rationalising every conscious decision I made and or about to make

The question that appears to always have a vague answer of self-soothe elements,

Which would not solidify the final verdict of an ended matter.

Denial? You would say that.

But before you imply any judgement on these thought processes,

Understand this,

Solutions does not always instantly warrant concrete resolute,

Resolutions does not always immediately guarantees liquidified matters or conflicts,

It all gradual and there are multiple environmental factors to achieve certain states,

Just like in physics and chemistry,

If you want to look at it in a more black and white way,

But I always enjoy a little poetic and philosophical approach in life,

I guess you would get the idea by now,

Halt!

Yeah, just as I thought.

Kevin Tang

7th May 2019

One night in Gosford, whilst on a night shift

An absolute favourite from Michelle Branch's latest album in 2017- Fault Line

Covered by Kaiwyn Tang, my singer persona

Fault Line Cover

Breathe in, Breathe out

These days have got me thinking about tremendous amount of matters

Feels that everytime you accomplished a task,

There always seems to have a lack of accomplishment.

Thinking if there is something else I'm missing,

which I can't pinpoint what.

I'm sure everyone has this feelings before

Wonder if anyone has found the solution for this

Somehow, I am not thrown off by these at all,

I tend to let it marinate for awhile prior to slashing the matter off my worry list

Not fearful of consequences of procrastinating

Wonder if this is a protective or destructive trait for a person

But definitely not as bad as compulsive traits

I think I might have set my perfectionism free

As for now,

doesn't matter if things are going on plan or not,

whether things I want becomes the way I wish for it to be,

or whether series of events leading to a desirable outcome or not,

I just breathe,

take it all in,

and live with it,

no point driving my anxiety over something I can't control,

especially in developing a romantic relationship,

Don't fret,

Someone may turn up,

Even if they don't,

I got more things to juggle with now,

on verge of completely transitioning into adulthood,

having to pay for mortgage soon,

multiple responsibilities,

Come what may...

有爱没爱我都不会慌

One of my favourite Mandarin songs covered by myself

有爱没爱我都不会慌

By Kaiwyn Tang

Night shift letter

19th April 2018

Empty Handed

Coming to the end of 2017
A few more hours before the usual annual celebration
But still listening to the early teenage era music
Ironically the melody was nostalgic but also brings the spirit down
Literally as it sang "You just bring me down..."
Looking into the current scenery, it appears that not much has changed
Except for my grown out physique,
And the feeling of kinda burning out but not fully,
Initial plans of wanting to recuperate was denied,
But does not feel like its the end of the world...

The multiple people and personalities met so far,
Either new or changed circumstances,
Felt the static of own while others evolved into different stages,
Or maybe because all along,
Reflection upon self was insufficient,
I guess it's hard to see self with own eyes...
What you thought could be empty handed,
In another person perspective, could be a treasure hidden just underneath solid ground
Just awaiting for the right person to put that vision into your field
And prosper, and to share the fruit of what you may initially thought was...
Empty handed

26/12/17
Kevin Tang

Pluto

I was floating peacefully in my own space,
I have my own orbit different than most,
I have my own moons that circles around me,
I was in my own world for a long time,
Doesn't matter if I was furthest from the Sun,
Or whether if I am icy cold,
I am a free spirit in my own wavelength,

Until someone spotted me,
I was given a name,
I was given a position,
I was given a title,
A satellite was launched out for me,
Suddenly my every spin and adventure in space was closely monitored,
I am still a free spirit,
Still in my own wavelength,
But being labelled by someone in the 3rd planet of the Solar System,
Whom I can't even see hear or feel from my side.

Until someone denied me,
I was demoted from my previous position,
I was stripped off from my previous title,
I was labelled as just another asteroid floating in Solar System,
My every spin and adventure in space was still closely monitored,
I am still a free spirit,
Still in my own wavelength,
Despite being labelled by someone,
And denied by someone else in the same 3rd planet of the Solar System.
The satellite that finally flew me by,
With the remains of that someone who spotted me,
Whom I still can't even see hear or feel from my side,

Here is the irony of the story,
Where a person from the 3rd planet of the Solar System,
Writing about how I would see,
How I would hear,
How I would feel,
With 7.5 billion kilometers of distance,
You can only imagine and imply,
But what about seeing, hearing and feeling within the people in the 3rd planet?
Do you imagine and imply?
Or go directly and seek the truth?

Pluto
by Kevin Tang
2nd August 2015